A Confession
by RavenHimeSama
Summary: Like what I said, the someone I need was already out of my reach. It was like finding the one I need to spend forever, only knowing that she already has Someone she would spend her lifetime and the next with. Two-shots.
1. Chapter 1

**A Confession**

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How long has it been now? One, two years?

I'm now standing in the CEO office of the Hyuuga Groups. Finally, I'm able to prove to my parents that I'm capable of handling this multi-billion company. I formed a smirk as I drink my red wine. I'm trying to get over about how I changed. Then again, I never fail to remember the face of the _only _person who changed me.

Oh, yeah right, it has been 10 years and a half when I was a bad ass, drug addict twenty year old guy. Believer it or not, but the now CEO was a drug addict. I was a kid who destroys his own future.

I sighed and leaned on the glass wall of my office. Hey, how good was the sound of that? MY office.

I should owe my best bud, Ruka and his airhead girlfriend for all of these; Heh—especially to that airhead girlfriend, Imai.

I sighed again, this time, searching something from my pocket. I found it and opened my hand. Guess what it is.

Believe it or not. It was a rosary. Crimson beaded one with a gold cross. I grasped it and held it close to my heart. I don't use the rosary but I pray—sometimes, when I have time. This thing could be so little but, really, it means everything for me. I can exchange this whole company for the rosary.

I sighed and wondered.

Where is she now? Is she happy with her true love? Yes, it was a girl who changed me. Showing me so many things—so much love and faith and hope but, she was the only creature in this earth I couldn't get. It was just like what she said, her first love was more important.

_10 years and a half ago. . ._

"Natsume, would you stop that!" Ruka yelled as he gets my stick of opium. His dumb head girlfriend opened the curtains and let that stupid light through. I groaned with that sight. "Ugh, would you at least get your ass up Hyuuga." Imai yelled at me. I lazily stood up from the marble hard slash cold floor and sat on the couch. "Natsume. I told you, stop with drugs. You're destroying yourself."

Ah~ I would love it if I was just plain dead. Nobody would care. My parents don't give a fuck anyway. "Yeah right." I said to them. "Look, we're trying to help here. Hotaru phoned her best friend, and she is coming for counseling, since it also her vacation so she said that it was fine." Ruka said while setting himself beside me.

"What chick?" I questioned. "She's not just a chick, Natsume. She's one respectable lady. Don't you dare lay a finger on her."

I raised a brow, this might be fun "Really? Hm, I'm going to make a schedule for her, how about a small drop of heroin at the bath tub early in the morning, sticks of Cannabis on the sofa and we'll do the counseling on the bed every night."

"I warn you Hyuuga. If it wasn't for Ruka and my pity and disgust of seeing you drunk with drugs everyday, I wouldn't let you meet Mikan's shadow. If you lay a finger on her I'll—"

"Kill you? As if I care Imai. Ugh, where is she anyway, I don't have all the time on the world." I said while searching for some opium in the table in front of me. "What the—"

"I threw all the drugs Natsume. You have to meet her clean. She's going to help you, so at least help her help your ass to change." Ruka said to me.

"This is fuck."

"Oh yeah, cut that word." I rolled my eyes as a small silent moment indulge on us. Imai opened her cell and dialed a number "Hello?"

Ruka and I looked at her as she said, "Yeah, you got it right, idiot. This is his condo unit. Yes. I'm going to open the door now." Then, she left us to get the door.

I don't live with my parents, they're too much to handle. Ruka went to my closet and took a white tee and threw it on me. I forgot to mention I'm half naked. "What's this?" I asked him. I usually don't wear tops when I'm inside my sanctuary aka jail.

"It's called clothes Natsume. It's for clothing. Now shut up and wear it." He said as I followed what he just said. "Who is this girl? Why does she sound so important." I asked. Ruka looked at me and said "You'll meet her in a minute."

Ruka and I stayed in silence as little noises came from the doorway. I heard a sweet laugh but I'm sure it wasn't Imai's. I'm becoming curious about this girl they want me to meet.

I leaned my head on the sofa. Damn, opium got me bad ever since I started drugs last year. My head was dizzy. I closed my eyes to focus on darkness instead of the pain. "Ah~ Mikan. It's a pleasure of meeting you again." I heard Ruka said to whomever _Mikan_.

She laughed again. It was really sweet. And by the sound of it, it's like my soul gained another lifetime to live. "Come on Ruka-pyon. The pleasure is all mine. I guess this is my new assignment?"

Assignment?

She probably meant me. "Yep, this is Natsume Hyuuga."

"Hello, Hyuuga-san, nice to meet you." I heard her address me. Her voice was really smoothing to the soul. It was like an angel owns it. I opened my eyes and welcomed the image of her face. Her eyes and lips were smiling at me. Olive eyes, olive locks.

For the first time in my life, I saw a piece of heaven.

She was wearing a black and white get up. A white button up shirt, white knee length skirt, black flats, and her black bag; and there was a crimson rosary hanging around her neck.

"Natsume, this is Sis. Mikan Sakura, she's a Junior Sister and will be an official nun after 8 months."

_Back to Reality,_

Yep, she was a Junior Sister. She is a lady of faith now. Praying and walking with that veil on her head.

It was a miracle for me. Someone like her changed me into a complete new person in just a short time of a month.

She marked me—while she was marked by the Big Boss.

She was loved as much as I wasn't.

Slowly, her voice, her smile, her—changed me bit by bit.

I quit all the vices that I had.

_Some time within,_

We were in the beach which she favors too much. Out of my small world, she brought me to hers. Just like what they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"Isn't it amazing how God made the sunset so gorgeously?" She asked me out of the blue. I looked at her again. She is smiling out of something stupid again. How can a sunset be great?

Then, she closed her eyes—that made me smile. That's why I love her. She brought me peace. "Hey—"

I called as I stared at the sunset. "Are you sure you're going back to that convent tomorrow?" I asked. I felt her olive orbs stare at me while I pretended not to notice it. "Yes. I will be graduating soon. I can't continue far away." She said to me. I lazily nod at her reply. "If ever God will allow you, do you still want to meet me in the next lifetime?" I asked out of the blue.

"Of course. You're one of the best gifts I ever had, Natsume."

"Then—if you meet me, and I wasn't a jerk like I was before and you haven't entered the convent, do you think you and I have a chance?" I asked so boldly.

She was shocked of that sudden confession.

Yeah right, a drug addict and a novice sister.

Hah—what an irony.

She sighed and smiled "I wish. But, God is still my first love. I would still serve him, even in the next life." Then, she took off her crimson rosary and put it on me. "I know you don't have enough faith in you, Natsume but you're not alone. Try praying once, and you'll have a company. Just imagine that when you have that rosary, I'm just a bead away."

_Reality,_

That's how I was rejected.

I will forever be a bachelor. And besides, the someone I need was already out of my reach.

After that rejection, I accepted the fact that she belongs to **Someone** I can't be greater to. I accepted the fact that she and I are only to be friends because that's how it should be. I accepted the fact she wants be beside a priest and her fellow nuns blessing and changing people's lives than to be with a renewed addict like myself.

I accepted the fact that despite the heaven and earth distance, I still love her—until now. And who knows, I may stay as a bachelor who fell in love with a lady of God.

I smirked at the moment when I walked in the rain, a week after she left for the convent.

No, I didn't return to my vices. I wouldn't be a stupid ass again after all of her efforts to change me. Or she didn't give any effort at all. Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just me who allowed her.

_Flashback_

I was walking alone one rainy afternoon. I was thinking on how to start all over again without her aid now. I didn't know where I was going to. I am a stray cat—no, I WAS a stray cat.

I looked up and saw the cross. Since the day she left, I didn't let go of the rosary she gave me. I held it close and entered the church.

I was dripping wet, but I still entered. She once told me that God doesn't choose anyone who needs **His** help. Yeah, I don't have enough faith but I do need some company. I sat at the farthest seat.

It was 6:30 pm and it was raining, so I have the place all for myself. I looked at the crucifix at the altar. I know that it's wrong to wish for something impossible but I did, once or twice. I imagined her.

I imagined her in a white dress. No—it wasn't her sacred robe. It was her wedding robe. I imagined the impossible. That someday I will marry her.

I looked at Christ and tried talking to him. "Sometimes, **You're** really unfair. **You** let me met someone like her. Someone **You** know can change me. But why her? Why me? But thanks by the way. I am still a lucky guy after all. But—" I didn't realize I'm crying already "I didn't realize how much I would fall. Why can't** You** just give her to me. **You** already have so many people to do** Your **service."

"I know that I'm not one of **Your** favorites—but I want to ask for a favor, at least help me move on." I looked at the rosary again and held it close in my lips.

_End of Flashback_

After that church incident, I decided on the first step on changing my life.

And my first decision was to go home.

Yes, I succeeded on my career. My parents are fine. Ruka and his _airhead _girl are engaged and will be getting married the day after tomorrow.

Life wasn't so hard; except the thing that I don't have my love beside me.

Like what I said, the someone I need was already out of my reach.

It was like finding the one I need to spend forever, only knowing that she already has **Someone **she would spend her lifetime and the next with.

I was amazed about the sermon of a priest once; _God destined someone for you, for others and for Himself._

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End**

**Stay tuned for Chapter two.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Mikan's POV_

I waved to my last student as he waves back at me before he slammed himself into his mothers' warm hug.

I continued smiling as I watch their car run until it reaches the pre-school gate. My smile slowly drops as I looked at my watch. Heh, 4:30 pm.

My smile returned as I imagine Hotaru and Ruka-pyon exchanging vows tomorrow.

Ah~ Hotaru and Ruka. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be where I am now. If it wasn't for them, I am where I wished I was. I transferred my eyes to the picture in my desk. One was my favorite couple, haha, my best friends, Ruka and Hotaru who will be tying their knots tomorrow. Then, I shifted my olive orbs to the next picture.

Ah, Natsume and I.

_Sometime when the picture was taken. . ._

"Come on, just one shot." He asked me while carrying his digital camera around. I never knew he has the hobby of taking pictures.

"No." I told him as I continued to the next page of my book. I felt him pout because of that. I inwardly smiled.

I knew he was a brat and I knew he won't give up until he gets what he wants. Off guard, he took my book. "Hey—that's so childish." I said to him. "Just one picture." He told me. This was the last straw—I think. But I never really get angry with him. Sometimes he was just adorable.

"Okay. Just one." I sighed. I don't know, but sometimes I just tolerate what he does. I smiled my best one as he look at me before taking a shot. "There, you have what you want. Now give me my book." I said to him. But, Natsume Hyuuga was also unpredictable.

He snaked his arm around my neck, and shifted his head beside mine. It just looks like he was hugging me from behind.

I held his arm with my hands as he positioned the camera in front of us. I knew he was going to take another picture so I smiled.

He showed me the image of the two of us. I was smiling; he has this smile slash smirk plastered in his face.

The two of us—US.

It looks so right. But it was so wrong.

The word US sounds so perfect but it was a plain mistake.

_Back to reality. . ._

I was a junior sister at that time. A picture like that would bring my reputation down. I knew that. I knew that consequence before I let him take our picture.

I smiled again. I wonder where he is now. I'm sure he is not someone drinking heroin today.

I trust him when he said that he will change for the better. I knew him. I trust him.

I know that he's going to turn ripe 30 after a few months so maybe he is with his beloved wife now. Who knows, maybe he has children right now.

It's the image of a great family. His family.

I wonder if the decision I made 10 years ago was right. It was a really hard decision.

Choosing between dream and reality was a really rather hard case.

_10 years and a half ago. . ._

I stared at the Sakura tree outside our classroom. I forgot to mention that each class has 3 to four students.

Not many take this vocation in heart. I sighed as I awe the Sakura for having such beautiful leaves. God is my favorite artist after all. "Mikan?"

But then, 4 months ago, was something better. Hotaru asked me to counsel somebody. He was a drug addict slash best friend of her boyfriend. I had to come since Hotaru was the one who asked for it. It also feels great when you change someone.

But—after my encounter with Natsume—everything change.

Yes, my hope and faith strengthened. So does my love for God. But, after I left him that afternoon—I felt something weird inside me. It was like saying to stay. Especially when he said to me if ever I and him can ever have a chance.

It was a really hard decision for me.

Natsume was one of the hardest yet softest one I ever counseled before. "Sister Mikan? Are you alright?" I returned to reality as Sister Carmen, my teacher called me. The other sisters were already out, while I was dozing off. "Um, yes. Thank you."

Sis. Carmen looked at me with careful eyes and said "I think you need to see Mother Superior and Father about your situation. You're dozing off ever since you came back after your vacation. I'm really getting worried, and you're graduating soon."

I nodded at her advice and decided to see the two people whom I considered family. Mother Superior and Father were two of the most trusted people for me. I wouldn't say no if it comes from them.

_Back to Reality_

Seeing those two were really comforting.

If it wasn't for them, I would be really troubled until now.

But—after my talk with them, I felt a revival. It changed me. And besides, I wouldn't open my eyes to reality if it weren't for them.

I took a smooth tea as I stare at the Sakura tree at the garden. The Sakura tree—it reminds me when I let Natsume sleep on my lap after our counseling. He looks so much like a cat. So peaceful. But out of all expressions he showed me, I saw the real peace when he tried to pray once or the time when we were watching the sunset—_the day when he told me about chance._

Yes, of course I would love to if we both met earlier before we entered our lives.

Before he destroyed his life or—before I entered to the convent.

My vocation was yet another case.

I looked at my watch again and notice the time flies from plain 4:30 to 5 o'clock.

I need to go to church. I took my bag and left the pre-school. I always wanted to teach pre-schoolers, they're just so adorable and unpredictable.

I took the bus and went to the church. I moved here in Chiba to see one of the best sunsets here in Japan. It would be a rough ride from Chiba just to go see Hotaru's wedding in Nagoya but its fine.

I entered the church and went to the middle seat. I genuflected and made the sign of the cross.

I prayed for the people around me and outside my world. It's my daily routine now.

I also wish Hotaru and Ruka all the luck. Then, an image of Natsume passed my mind. And so was the encounter with mother superior and Father.

_The Encounter. . ._

"Mikan, I heard that you're troubled in your classes. What is wrong?" Mother Kinaki asked me. There are no more reasons to lie before the best two. "I'm troubled."

"What is it about, my daughter?" Father Simon asked. Father Simon was the one who adopted me after my parents died when I was nine. Maybe he was the reason for me entering the convent.

"I have something in me; I know that this may change everything." I said to them. They look puzzled somehow. "It involves my world, mother, father." I told them.

"Do tell." They said in unison. "Before that, I want to make a confession." I said to them. They both looked at each other then Mother began to walk away. "Mother, I want your counseling too. I want to confess with both of you listening." I said to them, this time, I didn't notice my watering eyes.

Mother went back to Father's side as they look at me. I sighed before starting "Bless me Father for I have sinned." A tear rolled down my cheek. This confession may change my whole life. "My last confession was last week."

"What are your sins?" Father asked me.

I sighed before saying "I went against my vows, Father."

"I fell in love with a man." As I burst into tears.

I'm not looking at them, but I knew that they're looking at me. "Mikan." Mother called as she gave me comforting arms. "Ssh. It's alright, my dear."

"I never knew I would love him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll forget about him. I'm not turning my back from the sisterhood." I said to them, fighting my tears.

"It was an accident." I gave up. I never knew I love Natsume until the time at the seashore when he told me about his feelings—about the chance that would never occur.

"Mikan, why did you come back then?" Father asked me. "Is that still a question Father? I love this convent, this is my soul. Being a sister is my dream. I would never turn my back from my vows."

"Mikan, God would never let you meet this man unless He made an obligation for you to fulfill with this guy." Mother told me.

"Yes, love is a beautiful thing Mikan. It is not a sin it's a choice. It will only become a sin if it becomes lust or you will worship love more than God." Father said. "But—"

"Whoever this guy is, Mikan. He is God's gift for you." He continued.

"Let's just say that maybe, He destined something else for you, Mikan." Mother said.

_Back to Reality . . ._

I walked out of the church and it was just time to look at the sunset. _"Beautiful."_

After that talk—I realized what kind of vocation that I'm really looking for. Then again, I don't know what happened to Natsume.

Life was unpredictable. It's filled with mystery. All you have to do is to take one step at a time. Discover them—you might find yourself.

_The next day . . ._

The wedding was already done. And we are in the gardens of the Imai's for the reception. Yet, it's not that I'm wishing for it but, the best man wasn't there. "Congratulations, Hotaru." I said to her.

"Shut up idiot." That's her usual reply for me. But I know, deep inside is that she wants to cry. I know she's happy. "Ah~ damn, where the hell is Natsume?" Ruka grunted.

"He's coming?" I asked. My heart was pounding hard. But, I trust myself. I'll keep this smooth and flawless. "Um, yes. He's coming Sis. Mikan." He replied.

Ruka still manages to call me sister despite my request that he can call me Mikan. "Well, can I have the clearance to kill him now?" Hotaru asked of her dear husband. "Shut up wife."

"Sorry I'm late." I looked behind me and there he was. He still looks the same since the last time we part. "Natsume." I called.

He looked at me after he heard my voice. He was fixing his watch when he came.

"Mikan."

Hotaru and Ruka left us, and with no one inviting, we walked in the gardens. "Do you mind explaining?" I heard him ask. I can't look at him. I only sighed and said "There are many things I can't explain reasons are too hard to find."

Our feet didn't mind going to anywhere—and the silence era continued. "Why didn't you at least contact me?"

I looked at him while he was looking straight "I couldn't accept any reasons after I left the convent. I had to look for it for 10 years."

"You're a puzzle—you know that. You're still a mystery until now." He told me which made me chuckle. "Did you find it? Your reason."

"Yes. I did. Just today."

"Really?"

"But—when I found it, it maybe is too late. I wonder, is the reason for everything worth it."

"I'm sure it is." He said to me as we walk to the terrace overlooking the sea. Just in time for the sunset.

"How are you?" I asked. "Me? _Sigh _I'm just great. Life is complete for me. But still a piece is missing. I didn't notice what it was until now. And I thought, that from the first step, it was already missing." He told me. Making a tear roll down my face; we were both looking for a missing piece—for a reason—for an answer.

I cried, and he let me. "Natsume." I called.

"Did you really meant what you said at the seashore?" I asked him.

He looked at me.

I looked at him.

He shifted his eyes to the sunset and said "I did." Then he looked at me "I still do."

"You're my missing piece."

I can't hold much longer. My knees were weak.

My heart was like sinking.

But every time it sinks, I regain another lifetime to live. Another lifetime with him; I was blind enough not to see my reason for everything.

He hugged me close. "And you're my reason, Natsume. All along." I managed to say that.

_You're my missing piece. You're my reason. _They were words exchanged to the cheesiest line in the book _I Love You. _

Then he took my trembling hands and kissed them. "Marry me."

I imagined the impossible too. A Junior Nun, imagining marrying someone was really impossible. But with the hope of really getting married someday was one of the reasons why I left the convent.

Crying, I said yes. And slowly, he cupped my chin and gently made me stare at his crimson eyes.

And for the first time, I kissed.

I kiss my reason.

He kisses his missing piece.

I kiss my mistake.

He kisses his hope.

Then again, we kissed our dreams we never thought would come to life. We finally had our chance that we thought was impossible.

_**End**_

_**~RavenHimeSama**_


End file.
